“We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment.” (Romans 5:3-5 NLT)
This is one of the Bible verses that has stuck with me for the last several months. I’d find myself thinking about it now and then, mulling it over when I had quiet moments to myself. Sometimes a specific word would stick out to me and I’d meditate on that one word…Sometimes it seemed as if days went by before I would suddenly think about it. It’s a verse that I reread to myself for strength when I thought about quitting. I read it for comfort when I felt despair. Sometimes I just read it.
It seemed as if the harder we tried to hold on to our “stuff” – the Hill Drive place, our transportation, a paycheck – the easier things slipped through our fingers. Each time we tried to right ourselves, another wave came. Eventually Dorian and I developed a “what’s going to happen next?” attitude. We constantly braced ourselves for the other shoe to drop. It got tiring quickly. It’s like it’s raining poo outside and while everyone else had umbrellas, Dorian and I had funnels positioned over our heads. We were spiritually opening ourselves to all the crap the universe could throw at us. How could we possibly expect to overcome if we didn’t change what it was we were asking for?
See, when you ask for whatever it is that you think you need in your life to achieve the plans that you’ve created, you get a bunch of empty promises and wheel grinding. That’s like spiritual purgatory. You could choose to either sell out to immediately get what you want or give it all up for something unfathomably better. If you choose the latter, you have to be prepared to let completely go – of your stuff, your plans, your “control” over your situation, everything. Instead of chasing after a dollar bill that was caught by the wind, why not let the bill fly away and do nothing? If you were meant to have it, you would; otherwise you should be able to wield control over wind itself which, on a side note, would be a cool super power to have, but doesn’t matter because frankly if you could control the wind then you should have bigger things on your mind than money, just sayin’.
Reeling it back in…
I’ve tried really hard lately to embrace this approach wholly and openly. My attitude dictates that I have control over everything, or at least as much as I can. But this new approach contradicts that attitude, so basically I have to learn how to process things completely different. I have to change my attitude and approach to life. I strive to be spiritually open to and accepting of the positive energy that is meant for me, while being open to and accepting of the negative energy that I’m required to accept. Under this mindset I can apply that previously misdirected focus and energy into more enriching activities, like being the mother I want to be to my kids without worrying about the mechanics behind it.
Here’s to experiencing spiritual peace.