The Conundrum of the Devoted Wife and Mother

I haven’t blogged in quite awhile.  I have so much to talk about but I just don’t have the time.  Being a full-time stay-at-home mom to three small children is incredibly demanding and sometimes a bit overwhelming.  I feel like I rarely have time for myself or the things that I want to do because so much responsibility is placed on my shoulders.  I’m not complaining though; I love being a mom and I take pride in doing the best that I can to raise our children the best way I know how.  My children are intelligent, well adjusted little people and the time that Dorian and I devote to enriching our children is obvious when you interact with them.

Mother and Children

Mother and Children (Photo credit: Bread for the World)

Sometimes I feel like I get lost in the shuffle though, almost like I’m losing my identity to my family and my devotion to them.  Sure, the house work gets done, Dorian has clean underwear in his drawer and my family is more apt to eat a home cooked meal that anything from a fast food drive-thru, but there aren’t enough hours in the day to fulfill my family’s needs and satisfy my own.  As a devoted mother and wife, how do you choose to decide to fulfill your own needs before those of your family?

I foresee many quiet nights in my immediate future.  Maybe I can siphon off some of that time to indulge in a guilty pleasure, like blogging, or pinning my heart out on Pinterest, or reading.  And don’t even get me started on my Amazon wish list…Dorian will probably yell at me to get some sleep instead of staying up and letting my mind wander, but…I just can’t.  I can’t be everybody else’s everything all day long, then just go to sleep without doing something for myself.  I need my sanity.  I feel guilty if I neglect my housework to indulge in something I would want to do for myself instead, and honestly if I sit still for too long I’d probably fall asleep (which is why Dorian always scolds me about not sleeping enough and I rarely play video games, even though I like them).  So therein lies the conundrum:  How do I find a healthy balance between satisfying myself and fulfilling my family’s needs?

Family first or not?  Am I being irrational?  Have you found yourself in my position?  How did you handle it?  Let me know, leave a comment below!

Categories: Introspection, Marriage, Parenting | Tags: , , , , , , | 4 Comments

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4 thoughts on “The Conundrum of the Devoted Wife and Mother

  1. Honestly you are ALWAYS important and need to do what you can for you as well. Our situation is unique just because of our family dynamic. Often our backs are against the wall and even though things are only going to get better and the kids more independent dealing with the moment right now is crazy.

    • Thank you honey. I can always count on you to understand, even when I can’t quite express how I’m feeling. Thanks for being a patient, kind, and caring husband and father. I wouldn’t be the awesome wife and mom I am without you.

  2. I’m convinced that our modern western culture perpetuates the idea that we moms and dads have to do it all AND be well dressed, well behaved, and fit. Our culture doesn’t support the existence of extended family and friends as parent helpers.

    I find myself in your situation most days of my life right now. I have a toddler and a teenager. It is VERY difficult to know when the best time and best way to find some time for myself, but i’ve NEVER regretted it.

    I know that I need to have the same regard for myself that I have for them, at least. I matter too, and so do you!

    Thanks for talking about something that SO MANY parents are feeling right now.

    • Naima –

      Whoa, a toddler AND a teenager?? Man are your hands full! I couldn’t imagine…

      I agree that our modern culture has moved away from the “it takes a village to raise a child” mentality. Unfortunately that places a lot of stress on parents that are worth their weight in salt. But if I have to sacrifice any part of myself for the nurturing and enrichment of my children then consider it done because I believe that when you become a parent you lose the right to be selfish. Your attention and life is now focused on your child, as it should be. The problem is that some of us try so hard to do right by our kids that we forget to do right by ourselves! But we need breaks too, to recharge and continue to be the stellar parents that we are. 🙂

      Thanks for reading, and here’s to hoping you get a well-deserved and much needed break, and soon!

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